MANASVI SHARMA BAWA

Oh what a year 2018 was! 2 more days of this year and then we are done. Time to face a new year, make some resolutions which in the first month will start looking daunting and then eventually they will feel like a mere thought in the figment of our fragile imagination. I am straight out of a harrowed horror film, aren’t I? Trust me, I am not.

Clearly, one of the things I have learn’t this year is that “New Year Resolutions” are not for me, I will not be miraculously transforming into a butterfly on 1st January, 2019. Just as I did not do so in 1990 or more recently in 2018! The miracle of a resolution, for me, works in tandem with perseverance and acknowledgement. If I make up my mind to get better at something, I must persevere to keep doing that task until I master it, there will be failures and the usual up’s and down’s but the acknowledgement of my faults to get over them will ultimately make me better at things.

As humans we are conditioned to “new beginnings” and a “New Year with a New Me” version of things just sounds better to us, but as the wise one’s once said, “Miracles don’t happen overnight.” The new you starts taking form the day you think of it. We are such dynamic creatures trapped in a concept of standardised time that we often forget to listen to that inner voice guiding us all through. So, in a lesser philosophical jargon, each moment is transforming us and thus instead of being a slave to New Year, New Me concept and ultimately losing the drive, we must just realise that every living moment is a resolution. So getting off our butts and actually doing things will make them happen.

To anyone reading this and thinking, she is one to say! I am learning every moment and trying to be better myself. So, not preaching, just sharing and honestly, writing can be very therapeutic. It can cure the worst of the feelings and ignite a sense of wonder in the beauty of a moment. So, today, I write about the year that was and all that it brought along with it and what I honestly will be taking forward.

In 2018, I also understood a little about pain and the beauty that comes along with it.

Pain is a pesky part of being human, it feels like a stab wound to the heart, something we wish we could all do without, in our lives here. Pain is a sudden hurt that can’t be escaped. But then we have also learned that because of pain, we can feel the beauty, tenderness, and freedom of healing. Pain feels like a fast stab wound to the heart. But then healing feels like the wind against your face when you are spreading your wings and flying through the air! We may not have wings growing out of our backs, but healing is the closest thing that will give us that wind against our faces.

So this year, I also learned the meaning of pain and healing.

2018 also brought along with it some much needed travel…

I managed to travel with the Mister this year to the lovely Country of Taiwan and what can I say, it was spectacular. To be in a country very familiar to the culture I come from and yet so drastically different taught me the true meaning of travelling for the fulfilment of one’s thirst for the new. We saw beauty, we saw culture and we learn’t so much in turn along with a bit of Taiwanese (Bonus points).
I cannot put in words or properly define how small in the whole scheme of the Universe I felt when conversing with people who did not know what I was saying and YET, with a flash of a smile and a genuine sense of thankfulness most things were just conveyed.
And so, 2018 taught me to smile some more and truly appreciate every culture without being, well to be honest, a snoot. Not that I ever was, but still it taught me to be KIND-er. 🙂

In 2018 I also read A LOT, something that I haven’t done in years, same old excuse of being too occupied with everything else.

Reading opens a World of new ideas and perspectives. One such book that opened my mind was “Why I’m No Longer Talking To White People About Race”, by @renieddolodge. It was recommended to me by a friend who is a few shades lighter than me or as the popular narrative goes, “Fair” and as I took it from her I couldn’t be more amused. I am “Toasty Brown” or as the popular narrative goes, a person of colour, but I have always wanted to talk to all kinds of people about race and every other topic we consider “taboo”, because I think it’s good to have conversations.
Have I had the opportunity? In 2018, yes I did and it was extremely healthy.
But I get where Reni is coming from, as I finished the first chapter about History of coloured people in Britain, I could resonate with the sentiment because I’ve read in my history class, spoken about it to people and discussed it over family dinners. And then there are people who have never known anything about slavery or colonization or apartheid or phobias and the impacts of it. 
The world is funny place, but conversations open a whole new World and that was my biggest learning.

In conclusion, I would like to end with these photos taken by my dearest friend @lavrence at the start of this year, little did I know this is how the year will literally pan out. Frame for frame. A lot of serious moments, a lot of love and laughter and tons of learnings.
This year has been about meeting new people, letting go of toxic friendships, I performed a “purge” (there is a lovely article by a friend, Michelle, “Why I Choose To Have Fewer Friends”. Have a read!), building myself as a person I want to be proud of year after year, a lot of decision making, realizing what matters the most, understanding the worth of relationships in the truest sense, travelling and being a complete adult while being a baby. 

The pursuit to be better is on but I am glad to have the lessons and experiences of 2018.

With that, I take your leave. I will see you in the new year and I do hope to hear about how your 2018 was. More love and joy to all of you.

Until then,

Stay Tangled! xx